One-liners

[AgentCooper]

My mate's in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.

 

[smallkube]

Being a genius is like being a sniper. It's not enough just to be one, you've got to be one at something.

 

[ubuysa]

I was going to tell a joke about time travel, but none of you laughed.

 

[AgentCooper]

Conjunctivitis.com... that’s a site for sore eyes.

 

[Scott]

Doctor told me my body ran out of magnesium....... 0mg!!!

 

[AgentCooper]

My mate got hit by a steam train last week. He was chuffed to bits.

 

[ProEnigma]

An ancient greek walks into a tailor shop with a pair of torn pants. "Euripides?" says the tailor. "Yeah, Eumenides?" replied the man

 

[Martinr36]

Doctor told me my body ran out of magnesium....... 0mg!!!

A lack of calcium got chalked up to experience

 

[ubuysa]

An ancient greek walks into a tailor shop with a pair of torn pants. "Euripides?" says the tailor. "Yeah, Eumenides?" replied the man

I know it spoils the joke but a Greek would pronounce Euripides as Evripides and Eumenides and Evmenides. And yes, I am a sad old git and I am usually found alone in the kitchen at parties. 🤭

 

[ProEnigma]

I know it spoils the joke but a Greek would pronounce Euripides as Evripides and Eumenides and Evmenides. And yes, I am a sad old git and I am usually found alone in the kitchen at parties. 🤭

lol, me also, as for how they are pronounced, I didn't know, thanks for teaching me something

 

[AgentCooper]

Velcro... what a rip-off.

 

[ubuysa]

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?





Pumpkin pie of course! 🤭

 

[Martinr36]

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?





Pumpkin pie of course! 🤭

That really takes the custard............ 🤣 🤣

 

[ProEnigma]

My wife – it’s difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore. (Milton Jones)

 

[AgentCooper]

I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one’

 

[ProEnigma]

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

 

[Deleted member 41971]

whats the difference between a tire and 365 condoms, ones a Goodyear the other ones a bloody goodyear

 

[Deleted member 41971]

not a one liner but found this on reddit, as its haloween and well yes, this is scary

 

[ubuysa]

All this talk of dangerous, genetically modified food tasting horrible is nonsense. I mean, just today I had a delicious leg of salmon.

 

[Martinr36]

All this talk of dangerous, genetically modified food tasting horrible is nonsense. I mean, just today I had a delicious leg of salmon.

something sounds fishy there