One-liners

[ubuysa]

My old dad used to say; "The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more". He was a lovely bloke. Terrible anaesthetist though.

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub...but it's a 45 minute walk from the pub to my house....the difference is staggering.

I have always had a problem walking under a horse chestnut tree. After many sessions with a shrink, I have conkered my fear.

 

[Deleted member 41971]

Trump has paid more money to stormy Daniels then he's paid in taxes

 

[SpyderTracks]

Trump has paid more money to stormy Daniels then he's paid in taxes

I laugh at this but it’s actually a very sad state of affairs.

 

[Deleted member 41971]

I laugh at this but it’s actually a very sad state of affairs.

Id be more surprised if trump did pay taxes, Id always assumed very rich individuals or companies are funneling their money into offshore holdings or finding loopholes in the tax system.

 

[AgentCooper]

Id be more surprised if trump did pay taxes, Id always assumed very rich individuals or companies are funneling their money into offshore holdings or finding loopholes in the tax system.

 

[Deleted member 41971]

 

[Deleted member 41971]

Not a one liner as such but Best comment from someone who watched the presidential debate is,

"I was inspired to learn how to juggle after watching the circus tonight"

 

[Deleted member 41971]

"The problem isn't that obesity runs in your family. The problem is no one runs in your family."

 

[AgentCooper]

I went to the doctors and he said 'don’t eat anything fatty'

I said 'like bacon and sausages?'

He said 'no fatty, don’t eat anything'

 

[Deleted member 41971]

My wife asked me "What are the chances I will get accepted into a convent if I lose weight?" I said "slim to nun".

 

[slimbob]

I went to the doctors and he said 'don’t eat anything fatty'

I said 'like bacon and sausages?'

He said 'no fatty, don’t eat anything'

very good !!!

 

[slimbob]

Two fish in a tank. One says: ‘How do you drive this thing.

The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves

Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.

 

[ubuysa]

Not strictly a one-liner but this tee-shirt cracked me up. I've got to get one.....

 

[Scott]

Not strictly a one-liner but this tee-shirt cracked me up. I've got to get one.....

View attachment 18829

I would share that on FB but I don't want to appear to be even more of a geek than I already do

 

[SpyderTracks]

Not strictly a one-liner but this tee-shirt cracked me up. I've got to get one.....

View attachment 18829

That is awesome, I need this!

 

[ubuysa]

That is awesome, I need this!

Stay at 127 0 0 1

Stay at 127 0 0 1 shirts, apparel, posters are available at Teefantastic.com.

www.teefantastic.com

 

[Deleted member 41971]

not a one liner but

 

[Deleted member 41971]

when things are going wrong in life

https://www.reddit.com/r/formula1/comments/j4zcj1

 

[Deleted member 41971]

"People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon..."

 

[ubuysa]

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer...