One-liners

NoddyPirate

NoddyPirate

Grand Master
My Dads all time favourite Nursery Ryhme - I would say we heard this at least twice a week for most of our lives!

Mary had a little watch, she swallowed it one day,
And so she drank some castor oil, to pass the time away,
The castor oil it did not work, the time it did not pass,
So if you want to know the time, just look up Mary's.....
Uncle, he has a watch too.
 
D

Deleted member 41971

Guest
At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found the perfect green tie to match one of her husband’s sport jackets. Soon after, while the couple was relaxing at a resort complex to get his mind off a complicated conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a “bug” planted by the conspiracy defendants.
The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters in Washington, D.C., for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned Washington to find out the results of their tests.

"WELL!!, what did you find" said the judge"
The FBI agent "We’re not sure where the disc came from, but we discovered that when you press it, it plays ‘Jingle Bells.’
 
Last edited by a moderator:
C

ColEyt

Gold Level Poster
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ubuysa

ubuysa

The BSOD Doctor
Why are fire engines red?

Well.....

There are six wheels on a fire engine and six men inside it.
Six and six makes twelve.
Twelve inches is the length of a ruler.
The greatest ruler who ever lived was Queen Elizabeth I.
Queen Elizabeth's ships sailed the seven seas.
In the seas were fishes.
The fishes had fins.
The Finns fought the Russians.
And the Russian flag was red!
 
Scott

Scott

Behold The Ford Mondeo
Moderator
ubuysa said:
Why are fire engines red?

Well.....

There are six wheels on a fire engine and six men inside it.
Six and six makes twelve.
Twelve inches is the length of a ruler.
The greatest ruler who ever lived was Queen Elizabeth I.
Queen Elizabeth's ships sailed the seven seas.
In the seas were fishes.
The fishes had fins.
The Finns fought the Russians.
And the Russian flag was red!
Click to expand...
Still more logically coherent than most of the thread pathways on here :ROFLMAO:
 
ubuysa

ubuysa

The BSOD Doctor
Scott said:
Still more logically coherent than most of the thread pathways on here :ROFLMAO:
Click to expand...
Try this one then.......

What is the connection between the space shuttle and a horse?

Well....

The solid rocket boosters that help launch the space shuttle were made and serviced by a company in the state of Utah.
The boosters were transported to and from the Kennedy Space Center by rail.
The railroad between the two locations had to pass through a number of tunnels.
Thus the outside diameter of the solid rocket boosters was limited by the internal diameter of the railroad tunnels.
The railroad tunnels were the size they are because they were designed to carry standard gauge passenger coaches.
The standard railroad gauge of 4ft 8½ inches came about because the engineers inventing the steam locomotive asked local wagon makers to build the rolling stock.
The wagon makers built the rolling stock with axle widths the same as their road wagons.
The reason road wagons had axles that width was because that was the width of all the ruts in the dirt roads throughout Britain at the time.
The reason the ruts in all the roads in Britain were that width was because they'd been made by 300 years of Roman chariots.
The reason that Roman chariots had axles that width was because they were pulled by two horses.
So the outside diameter of the solid rocket boosters on the space shuttle was delimited by the width of two horses.....
 
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