One-liners
- Thread starter AgentCooper
- Start date
ubuysa
The BSOD Doctor
Martinr36
MOST VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
Maybe he was confused and it was actually 55 minutes late...........................I don't believe this ................. a bus is never five minutes early
Courtesy of the late and great Tommy Cooper
I went to the Doctor's the other day. I said, 'Doc, I've broken my arm in two places.' He said, "Well, don't go to those places."
I went to the doctors the other day, and he told me to say 'Aahh'. I asked him why, and he told me his dog had just died.
I went to the Doctor's the other day. I said, 'Doc, I've broken my arm in two places.' He said, "Well, don't go to those places."
I went to the doctors the other day, and he told me to say 'Aahh'. I asked him why, and he told me his dog had just died.
SpyderTracks
We love you Ukraine
Tommy Cooper was and is one of my all time greatest, sheer genius.
NoddyPirate
Grand Master
My Dad never got over watching him die live on TV..... traumatised him for years.....
Martinr36
MOST VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.
The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground.
She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her some Help.
Within 5 minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up,
driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag.
He got off of his cycle and asked, if she needs help?
She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick.
I've locked my keys in the car.
I must get home.
Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?
He said, Sure.
"He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.
She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You God, for sending me such a very nice man."
The Biker heard her little prayer and replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man.
I just got out of prison yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God!
You even sent me a Professional!"
The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground.
She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her some Help.
Within 5 minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up,
driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag.
He got off of his cycle and asked, if she needs help?
She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick.
I've locked my keys in the car.
I must get home.
Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?
He said, Sure.
"He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.
She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You God, for sending me such a very nice man."
The Biker heard her little prayer and replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man.
I just got out of prison yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God!
You even sent me a Professional!"
rouchie
Rising Star
I second that, a true great!
rouchie
Rising Star
More from the great man ....
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place.
My wife had a bad habit of biting her nails but I cured her. I hid her teeth.
I met my wife at a dance. I thought she was at home with the kids.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place.
My wife had a bad habit of biting her nails but I cured her. I hid her teeth.
I met my wife at a dance. I thought she was at home with the kids.
Just been for an eye test and the optician informed me that I’m colour blind. I wasn’t expecting that, it really came out of the purple.
Martinr36
MOST VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
I didn't know you were that green
Unfortunately, mass doesn’t change with gravity.