One-liners

[AgentCooper]

I went to the doctors because I had a lettuce stuck up my bum. All he did was apply a dressing.

 

[Scott]

Needs a Scottish accent to pull it off...


Patient: Doctor Doctor, I feel like a chocolate bar!
Doctor: Aye yer bounty!

 

[AgentCooper]

Needs a Scottish accent to pull it off...


Patient: Doctor Doctor, I feel like a chocolate bar!
Doctor: Aye yer bounty!

HA!

I'm going to keep this going...

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.

 

[Scott]

I was playing chess with my mate the other day. I said to him... "Lets make this interesting"..... so we stopped playing.

 

[AgentCooper]

I went to the local video shop and said could I borrow Batman Forever? He said, no you have to bring it back tomorrow.

 

[AgentCooper]

I had a mate that quit his job at the sewage works. He said it was boring just going through the motions every day.

 

[ubuysa]

There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other "do you know how to drive this thing?".

 

[Gavras]

Two birds standing on a perch, one says to the other “something smells fishy’

 

[Scott]

A perfectionist walks into a bar, he said it wasn't set high enough.

 

[AgentCooper]

I see eggs are going up again. That will surprise a few chickens.

 

[ubuysa]

Do crabs think that people walk sideways?

 

[AgentCooper]

I used the play the triangle in a reggae band but I quit. It was just one ting after another.

 

[SpyderTracks]

I used the play the triangle in a reggae band but I quit. It was just one ting after another.

Now, THAT's a good one, my dad will love that! 👏 🤪

 

[AgentCooper]

Now, THAT's a good one, my dad will love that! 👏 🤪

This thread is becoming the spiritual home of dad-jokes 😁

 

[AgentCooper]

Is it just me or does anyone else find pressing F5 refreshing?

 

[SpyderTracks]

Is it just me or does anyone else find pressing F5 refreshing?

Ha ha!!! How incredibly apt just now!

 

[Deleted member 41971]

people say that Ketamine should be banned should get down off their high horse

 

[AgentCooper]

I wonder if glass coffins will become popular one day? Remains to be seen.

 

[ubuysa]

Why is there only one monopolies commission?

 

[Deleted member 41971]

I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.