One-liners

[SpyderTracks]

Best marketplace advert ever

 

[Bigfoot]

Best marketplace advert ever

View attachment 31606

Would have been better if the laminator was plugged in

 

[Deleted member 41971]

 

[Martinr36]

At the local Hospital :
Doctor, “What is this?"
Me “This is a book that I’ve written, it’s got 500 pages."
Doctor, “You wrote 500 pages. What did you write about then?” Me, On the first page I wrote “One day a King rode on a Horse and went towards the Jungle.
And on the last page I wrote The King reached the Jungle."
Doctor, “So what did you write in the remaining 498 pages?"
Me, “I wrote,
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdi
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik ti tigdik
tigdik...
Doctor, (stunned) "AND what's all that????!!!!!"
Me, “That's the sound of the Horse running...The hooves digging the terrain."
Doctor- "AND Who will read your story?"
“I will post it on my Facebook page ! My mad friends there will definitely read it...they're all idiots, in fact one of them is reading it even as I speak!”

 

[SpyderTracks]

If you can avoid the dreaded filth on there, there are some absolute geniuses on twitter, just so funny. I really admire the wit

 

[Deleted member 41971]

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

 

[Deleted member 41971]

 

[AccidentalDenz]

View attachment 31670

As the eldest child, I feel attacked!

 

[Deleted member 41971]

As the eldest child, I feel attacked!

when denz was born, the parents had to redeem the attached code on steam.

Kdj39-Jkal2-Denz1

 

[Martinr36]

As the eldest child, I feel attacked!

I'm stuck in the middle of 2 sister's

 

[Scott]

I'm stuck in the middle of 2 sister's

Your own I guess?

 

[Deleted member 41971]

Your own I guess?

I don't know,

@Martinr36 is a smooth operator.

 

[Martinr36]

 

[Bhuna50]

 

[Deleted member 41971]

View attachment 31687

Amazon turns up with champaine and asks for ID and liz is like "here's a £10 pound note, that's me!"

 

[Tron1982]

I'm stuck in the middle of 2 sister's

So ...
Are you the famous @Martinr36 in the middle ?

 

[Deleted member 41971]

So ...
Are you the famous @Martinr36 in the middle ?

Yes, no, maybe, I don't know

 

[Scott]

Can you repeat the question?

 

[Tron1982]

Can you repeat the question?

But of course :

So, are you the famous @Martinr36 in the middle ?

 

[Martinr36]

But of course :

So, are you the famous @Martinr36 in the middle ?

Possibly