One-liners
- Thread starter AgentCooper
- Start date
SpyderTracks
We love you Ukraine
We have to club together to buy a fine bottle if anyone says that phrase with good cause.
Relevant..
4 engineers get into a car. The car won't start.
The mechanical engineer says that it must be the starter motor
The electrical engineer says it must be the battery
The chemical engineer thinks that the fuel is impure
The IT Engineer says "I've an idea guys, lets try getting out and back in again".
4 engineers get into a car. The car won't start.
The mechanical engineer says that it must be the starter motor
The electrical engineer says it must be the battery
The chemical engineer thinks that the fuel is impure
The IT Engineer says "I've an idea guys, lets try getting out and back in again".
ubuysa
The BSOD Doctor
Our electric hob, with touch sensitive controls, refused to turn on two nights ago. My wife was less than pleased and gave me that look that says "fix it, now!"....
I located the manual in our box of manuals, read it from cover to cover and found nothing that would help.
Having once been a consultant (amongst other things) I flipped the mains breaker for it off, counted to 100 and then flipped the breaker back on.
The hob started up just fine. Brownie points banked. [emoji41]
I located the manual in our box of manuals, read it from cover to cover and found nothing that would help.
Having once been a consultant (amongst other things) I flipped the mains breaker for it off, counted to 100 and then flipped the breaker back on.
The hob started up just fine. Brownie points banked. [emoji41]
Martinr36
MOST VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
So I was at the store earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping cart. With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had. I told her it was my service dog. Then she got real snarky and said, I knew that. What type of service? I said he was a BLD. By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly. She said, what is a BLD? I told her it stood for Butt Licking Dog. She said Butt Licking Dog? I said yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders. The cashier completely lost it.
SpyderTracks
We love you Ukraine
My mother was one of those hoarding, she had a whole double closet packed to the brim with toilet paper, I had a right go at her when I saw it.
Martinr36
MOST VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re taking United” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“United?” exclaimed the hairdresser. ” That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”
“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Taste.”
“Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.”
“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. ”You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
“It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of United’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and we had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on us hand and foot..
And the Taste hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”
“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet us.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me..”
“Oh, really! What’d he say?”
He said: “Who screwed up your hair? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re taking United” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“United?” exclaimed the hairdresser. ” That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”
“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Taste.”
“Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.”
“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. ”You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
“It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of United’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and we had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on us hand and foot..
And the Taste hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”
“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet us.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me..”
“Oh, really! What’d he say?”
He said: “Who screwed up your hair? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Deleted member 41971
Guest
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Deleted member 41971
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SpyderTracks
We love you Ukraine
Proper LOL moment
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