One-liners
- Thread starter AgentCooper
- Start date
Martinr36
MOST VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
10 and 11 are my favourites
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
Salmon Fisher
Enthusiast
TonyCarter
VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
Thankfully I don't have to check the first 3...just about 12 forums instead (just in case anyone is talking about me) 
Martinr36
MOST VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
I must admit, adding the forums instead of Netflix etc, sound more like me as wellThankfully I don't have to check the first 3...just about 12 forums instead (just in case anyone is talking about me)
Tron1982
VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
But of course !
I totally forgot about this little tiny detail XD
And to say that I have some of their CD ...
Anyway, thank you @Martinr36
I totally forgot about this little tiny detail XD
And to say that I have some of their CD ...
Anyway, thank you @Martinr36
Of course, Mr Cooper, but are you experienced ?
Absolutely, I’m like a vintage wine and a fine cheese.
I smell slightly vinegary and I’ve got mould growing on me.
SimonPeters116
Well-known member
I smell vinegary and have mould growing on me too.
But that has little bearing on my experience, or lack of it.
(You can even see the mould. I'm the handsome mouldering gent' in the middle 😜)
SimonPeters116
Well-known member
P.S. < This photo was taken at the start of the 2019 Edinburgh Kiltwalk Mighty Stride.
The gents on either side of me came over from the Czech Republic just to take part in the Kiltwalk.
The 2022 Edinburgh Kiltwalk took place on Sunday just gone. I took part again
The gents on either side of me came over from the Czech Republic just to take part in the Kiltwalk.
The 2022 Edinburgh Kiltwalk took place on Sunday just gone. I took part again
That is a spectacular beard, good sir. Mine looks a thin puff of brown smoke compared to that magnificent specimen.