One-liners

[Martinr36]

I used to know Barn Wallis's grandson, what a dam buster

 

[Deleted member 41971]

"You wake to the clock, you go to work to the clock, you clock-in to the clock, you clock out to the clock, you come home to the clock, you eat to the clock, you drink to the clock, you go to bed to the clock, you get up to the clock, you go back to work to the clock... You do that for forty years of your life and you retire - what do they give you?

A clock"

 

[rouchie]

Despite the cost of living, it remains popular.

 

[rouchie]

 

[Deleted member 41971]

“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!'”

 

[ubuysa]

“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!'”

"And on the eight day God created coffee beans"

 

[rouchie]

My math teacher called me average. Which I think is mean.

 

[Deleted member 41971]

"Great start to the season for Lion King FC: a win away, a win away, a win away…"

 

[Martinr36]

"Great start to the season for Lion King FC: a win away, a win away, a win away…"

I saw a boat called the Baloo the other day and wondered if it had all the bear necessities (true story)

 

[rouchie]

"Great start to the season for Lion King FC: a win away, a win away, a win away…"

and their hearts desire is only a whim away

 

[Martinr36]

years ago, when telephone boxes had telephone directories in them, me and some mates were thumbing through one and found someone with the surname "Onion" so we phoned them up and asked if they were in a pickle...........

 

[ubuysa]

I saw a boat called the Baloo the other day and wondered if it had all the bear necessities (true story)

The best boat name I ever saw was 'NEVER AGAIN II'

 

[Deleted member 41971]

"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."

 

[rouchie]

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It’s a shih tzu.

 

[ubuysa]

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It’s a shih tzu.

I have a sneaky feeling that one has already been posted on here. I just can't be bothered to go and look!

 

[rouchie]

and nor can I when you are 32 pages in it's bound to happen!

 

[Deleted member 41971]

and nor can I when you are 32 pages in it's bound to happen!

cough, page 3, oct 4th 2020

and for I, discospartsa, has no life

still a good joke though

 

[rouchie]

I have a sneaky feeling that one has already been posted on here. I just can't be bothered to go and look!

cough, page 3, oct 4th 2020

and for I, discospartsa, has no life

still a good joke though

Thanks both for pointing out the error of my ways​

This next one liner is in your honour (which is why it's a two liner)

​

Jimmy: "mommy mommy, at school they tell me that I don't pay attention to detail..."​

woman: "jimmy, your house is two doors down"

 

[Deleted member 41971]

well, at least their honest

IO Interloper on Steam

IO Interloper is a hacking heist game all about peering through security cameras, piloting drones, duping rubes, and saying I'M IN in a really gruff voice.

store.steampowered.com

 

[rouchie]

Certainly not holding my breath!