Recent content by Salmon Fisher

There's a dog hanging around outside a Job Centre. One of the staff goes over and pets it, saying "What are you doing here then?" "Well, actually, I need a job," said the dog in cultured tones. "Wow - a talking dog. I'm sure the circus would be very interested in you. Shall I contact them?" "Can...

I'm currently spending far too much time leveling up in Hell Let Loose. It's, kinda getting addictive.

Sounds qwerty good to me.

My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

"Oi! Mary, trim my nails for me please"

Meh, chicks dig scars.

Pretty crap tattoo, ask for your money back.

My girlfriend has accused me of being a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet...

My wife has been missing for over a week now . The Police said to prepare for the worst..... So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

Just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

Or you could, you know, drive in?

Me and the wife have taken up woodworking. My mate said he didn't know we were carpenters. I said, "We've only just begun".

Police have confirmed that the man who fell from the roof of a nightclub and died was not a bouncer.

I donated 6 pints of blood yesterday. Never doing that again, too many questions. Whose blood is this? Where did you get it?

I can't stop telling silly airport jokes. Doctor thinks it's terminal.